Of me busting my ass.
Meeting deadline after deadline.
Fuelling off hours of sleep and endless cups of coffee.
Let me explain:
When I was three I started playing the violin, and that was my thing.
I played for 15 years, I didn't know anything else and it was just assumed that I would pursue music.
Then you come to the time crunch in your life where your bombarded with the daunting questions:
"What are you going to do next year?"
"Where are you going to university?"
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Growing up are we preparing for this moment? Because, holy shit. I have no idea.
Turning 18, all of a sudden the world is now on your shoulders.These questions must be answered or you'll be left behind.
Music was my thing.
I was able to read the notes, but not give them the meaning that was intended.
I got comfortable.
Having something for so long, you know no better and you're blinded to other opportunities.
Back to square one.
I had no idea, and I was running out of time.
I felt like I was last place, whilst everybody else ahead knew where they were going.
After cancelling the possibility of music, I leaned towards drama.
Drama changed to Fashion Communications and then somehow led me here today.
Today I am BFA taking business prerequisites.
Ideally, I wanted to take a year off after high school. Make some money and figure out what the hell I was going to do. Growing up, university was never a question. The only question was where/what you were going to study. I didn't want to waste a year of my life busting my ass in studies that made me miserable. Taking a year off was my chance to find an idea what I wanted. I wanted something to go forward. Looking at it now I have no idea what I want to be down the road.
No idea- Which scares the shit out me.
Nobody likes university.
You just become immuned to the system.
Going to university, you are promised a job that will lead you to a career.
But, it's getting harder and harder for anybody, degree or not, to get a job.
Education is key for change, but is university the key for education?
How can a number define you as a person, learner? Is your red the same as mine? One can grow up their whole life thinking they are in the wrong, yet they were in the right the whole time. We are seven billion different thinkers and have our way of thinking, and yet a number can mold thinkers otherwise.
I will not be defined for a number.
What I got on the final.
How much is in my bank account.
How much my overly expense car is.
How much the clothes on my back cost.
This does define you as a thinker, as a person.
I rather be frolicking in the grass with a Free People dress and flower crown headband flowing in the wind, but yet hear I am- sleep deprived and running off coffee.
Is me going to university promise me a career or a job?